Deleting myspace.

As I sit here reading through all my old myspace blogs, I realize that I am in a much better place in my head now. This time last year, I was not doing so well. I think if I tried to go to school again now, it would work.

Technically I AM starting school again, just online. Which I love, so I won't change.
:)

But anywho, my myspace is so sad...
I was so angry.
I don't even know what it feels like to be so sad anymore.

A broken girl has been fixed?

... wow.


Oh, btw. next tattoos:

"everything around you came from you"

edit the marine tattoo to look like a mock tattoo... not into war. at all. stupidest idea for a tat ever.

"nothing is real" w/ a strawberry with dissection pins in it.

Hmm.

Makes me sad when I realize that everything has a bad side... rather... a dark side.

Just makes me want to stay in the light... but I know there is a dark side.

I think that's the final straw of losing your childhood innocence, when you realize you can't trust anyone, anything, and you never be too careful.

Life only amounts to

how many people go to your funeral.


So meet as many people as you can,
and let them affect your life, so you can inspire theres.

expectations.

"today was a good day" -Dr. Dre.

Today I started crying about all the little stresses in my life.
Like money, responsibility, expectations that I don't meet...

But then we had pizza& pickles, went to the park for a walk, went to the gym, did homework, did some job searching online...

and realized,
today was a good day.

worked out pretty good too. Found a machine that's like running and hiking at the same time, and MAN! it works you out pretty crazy like. Also did an insane workout on an ab machine that was SOOOOO hard! But I did 50 reps. So I feel accomplished.

I think if I accomplish something, and don't half ass it, I feel good at the end of the day. :)

Thought of the day.

More like, words to live by.

Be happy with what you have.
But never forget that there is more to live for.

I love my family.
Disfunctional as they are, I love them all.

Paranoia?

My younger brother says I'm paranoid because I worry about conspiracy theories with the government too much.

...Since when is the truth a conspiracy theory?!
I'm scared of the truth.
The truth that our money has no actual value besides the one we place on it.
The truth that we get upset over our taxes paying for poor kids to eat, but we don't fucking think twice about the money that they're taking from us to go to another country and kill innocent people.

I am saddened that people think all these truths I tell are "paranoia". People who see the government robbing it's people, and letting banks and pharmacies hurt us over and over, and don't give a shit, are crazy!

In reality, when you borrow money, that is all the money you have, and the banks make us pay back what we BORROWED in the first place, and then money we will NEVER "have" because of interest. It's the banks way of staying on top.

Pharmacies will charge you 20 a pill for a medication someone may need for cancer, and the insurance companies won't help you pay for it because you're a liability... and this is LEGAL?!

HEALTH CARE REFORM may be the best thing that'll happen to this country in a long time.

Tell me, really....

would you rather have your taxes paid to help a hungry child get food, or to pay for the next bullet shot into the head of an innocent man?


Get over the taxes people. So long as you live in America, the government will rape you with taxes (which was SUPPOSE TO BE temporary, but we became dependant on it). So just realize that you may as well pick the lesser of two evils, and help out those in need.


So, there.

I do believe in a lot of conspiracy "theories". But they aren't conspiracies to me. As real as your God is to you, these lies and cover ups are true to me.

Online School, Living on my own...

Life is funny.

A little too funny.

I wish I could put all the little pieces together at once, instead of having to learn little by little.

I guess that's how they teach us patience, huh?

Thought of the day:

Do you dislike certain types of music or are you just not familiar with them?

I realize that the more times I've heard a song, the more familiar I am, the better chances I'll listen to it.

Being around Terrance has really opened my eyes to music of different genres.

I like that the most about our relationship.

Oh, I bought The Vines album, highly evolved today. For $1! Also, HIM's Venus Doom for $2. Exciting. It's funny because Terrance thinks I hate Rasputin, but really I just like to stay away so I won't spend so much money.

:)

I re-arranged our room today, and got my desk back. There's more room now, and I feel re-freshed. I think re-organizing is an addiction I have... oops.

Growin' up.

I know I'm young, but when I was younger, I thought I had a plan. I didn't have a plan, I didn't even have an idea, of what things were going to be like. Virgil asked me yesterday what I had learned that day, and I couldn't think of anything. But, I can now.

There's so many little things you pick up throughout the day, every day, that shape and form your life. I've learned to drop most of my negative thoughts, and keep my head up. I know now, that there are so many petty little things about people that annoy me, but it's not really an annoyance anymore, it's something different, that I don't have, that I can respect and grow from. I can appreciate others differences, and maybe even laugh at them, instead of becoming angry at them. But, I know learning is not all text book. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy learning from text book materials, but in the long run, learning is about finding something that you may have heard/seen a thousand times, but when it MEANS something, when it has substance and a history in your head, that's when you learn.

I learn people's personalities, one habit at a time, and it amazes me. I keep blaming my negativity on people, and that's a weakness, because I can change my thoughts at any time, and nobody is holding a gun to my head. People are going to be people. I see people hurt because of other peopls negativity, but there is no single thing I can do to stop it, besides ignore it. Your anger feeds it, and I learned that the hard way. Anger is a monster, and it's a handicap. So is blame. The only person to blame, is nobody. Because it's not your fault, and it's not mine. We just are the way we are. It truly AMAZES me to sit and look at a person, and try to figure out who they are. It's so humbling to think you know someone but you really have NO idea what they feel like, because you are YOU. You will never have an identical life to anyone, because EVERY conflict, EVERY feelings, and EVERY ounce of love or hate you feel takes you on a different path. Our world is full of tiny lines that connect us all in some way.

I know it's hard, because I slip up, but it's such a breath of fresh air to realize all of this. I get upset, I cry (about everything!!), and I can't always be in control of my head, but it's nice to sit down at the end of the day and say "hey... everything is here for a reason."