Growin' up.

I know I'm young, but when I was younger, I thought I had a plan. I didn't have a plan, I didn't even have an idea, of what things were going to be like. Virgil asked me yesterday what I had learned that day, and I couldn't think of anything. But, I can now.

There's so many little things you pick up throughout the day, every day, that shape and form your life. I've learned to drop most of my negative thoughts, and keep my head up. I know now, that there are so many petty little things about people that annoy me, but it's not really an annoyance anymore, it's something different, that I don't have, that I can respect and grow from. I can appreciate others differences, and maybe even laugh at them, instead of becoming angry at them. But, I know learning is not all text book. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy learning from text book materials, but in the long run, learning is about finding something that you may have heard/seen a thousand times, but when it MEANS something, when it has substance and a history in your head, that's when you learn.

I learn people's personalities, one habit at a time, and it amazes me. I keep blaming my negativity on people, and that's a weakness, because I can change my thoughts at any time, and nobody is holding a gun to my head. People are going to be people. I see people hurt because of other peopls negativity, but there is no single thing I can do to stop it, besides ignore it. Your anger feeds it, and I learned that the hard way. Anger is a monster, and it's a handicap. So is blame. The only person to blame, is nobody. Because it's not your fault, and it's not mine. We just are the way we are. It truly AMAZES me to sit and look at a person, and try to figure out who they are. It's so humbling to think you know someone but you really have NO idea what they feel like, because you are YOU. You will never have an identical life to anyone, because EVERY conflict, EVERY feelings, and EVERY ounce of love or hate you feel takes you on a different path. Our world is full of tiny lines that connect us all in some way.

I know it's hard, because I slip up, but it's such a breath of fresh air to realize all of this. I get upset, I cry (about everything!!), and I can't always be in control of my head, but it's nice to sit down at the end of the day and say "hey... everything is here for a reason."